Searching for Jesus
By Lisa Boyer
“That I may know Him”
Philippians 3:10a (KJV)
If I were ready to stop “misleading” people about my age (by giving my WiiFit age of 28), I’d happily share that I’ve been a Christian for 34 years. Well, maybe not happily; after that many years, you’d think I’d have all the answers to the Christian life but that’s really not the case. In fact, in year 33 I found myself a bit bewildered. I’d heard that many people struggle with the concept of God the Father because of negative male authorities in their lives, but I’d never heard anyone admit they had problems with Jesus…and that was my issue.
Certainly, I believed in Him and knew Him, but something was wrong inside because…well, I wasn’t in love with Him. In fact, sometimes I found myself thinking of Jesus as that big brother who was so perfect that He made me look bad. And when I read the Gospels, I often felt reprimanded rather than loved. Then there were those Christians in my life who, on behalf of Jesus, had judged and “corrected” me.
But something about another believer caught my attention. Compassionate and truly loving, she cared about people so genuinely I found myself thinking…I bet THAT is what Jesus is really like. It was as though a light went on inside my heart as I began to realize my feelings had been deceiving me.
And so, I set aside my feelings and began my search to know Jesus intimately. There are no words to explain what I discovered, but everything my head knew He was, my heart now knew…and more! Jesus walked where we walk and knows better than anyone what we feel. He’s not a critical big brother; he’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
During my search, I also learned something about me. I felt reprimanded when I read the Gospels because, honestly, I had always related better to the Pharisees (priding myself on following the rules) than any of the sinners Jesus reached out to with love and compassion. I had never wanted anyone to know I was a sinner, which is ridiculous since that’s all any of us are, and I am certainly no exception! But when I began aligning myself with the sinners in Scripture, I was met by His love and compassion.
I don’t know what happened during those 33 years to land me where I was, but I’m never going to let my heart forget what my head knows. Nothing compares to knowing and embracing Jesus completely, except being known and embraced by Jesus completely.
GOING DEEPER:
1. Have you struggled with God as your Father, or Jesus as your divine brother or friend? Today, will you begin a journey towards a better relationship with Him?FURTHER READING:
Proverbs 18:24; I Corinthians 15:3-4; Philippians 3:7-11Lisa has been married to Ted for 19 years and they have two teenage sons. She serves as a small group leader for high school girls at Oakwood Church in Student Ministries.
