The “C” Words
By Susan Klein
“In this world, you
will have trouble.”
John
16:33a (NIV)
Conflict.
Nobody enjoys it. In fact, most of us try to avoid it at all costs. The same
applies to confrontation. How many of us, when confronted with a
conflict, relish the thought of having a confrontation? However, as Jesus
states in the verse above, in this world - - it’s inevitable. Just about every
book in the Bible contains one conflict or another. Abraham had conflict with
Lot, Moses had conflict with the Israelites, the disciples had conflict with
each other…Let’s face it, we aren’t all created alike. We all have personality
differences that can potentially lead to conflict. So what’s a girl to do when
she’s faced with conflict?
Besides the obvious, “pray,” I believe there
are a few more tools we can hook to our belts to use when dealing with a
conflict. I like to call them the “3 G’s”: Glorify God, Gift
others, and Grow to be more like Jesus.
When a conflict with another person presents
itself, the first thing to do is to not flee from it,
but to check our own actions, to see if we are at fault in any way. This brings
glory to God. Then, Scriptures tells us (in Matthew 18) that we are to confront
the other person, using words and actions filled with grace and love, which
also brings our Father glory. Gifting others can be accomplished by overlooking
minor offenses, speaking the truth in love when needed, or coming alongside a
non-believing offender to show them what Christ did to forgive us. And in every
conflict that our God allows, His desire is to conform us to the image of His
Son, to grow us into the godly women that He has designed for us to be.
Author John Maxwell says we are to be like
“velvet –covered bricks, not people pleasers or bulldozers, strong on the
inside but soft on the outside.” He says, “Velvet-covered bricks are not afraid
to deal with conflict in order to iron out an unhealthy situation…they are peacemakers
as opposed to peacekeepers…remaining open to the perspective of
others.” (1)
The rest of the above verse states, “But take
heart! I have overcome the world.” Christ’s victory of overcoming the world and
all its evil is also our joyful triumph to claim. Remembering that our real
conflict is not with flesh and blood, but with the
powers of this dark world (2), we can have joy in our conflicts knowing He
has endured all things before us, and has given us the victory!
GOING DEEPER:
1. What proactive steps
can you take to become “strong on the inside, but soft on the outside” when
dealing with conflict?
FURTHER READING:
(1) Maxwell, “Velvet-Covered Bricks,” (www.injoy.com/newsletters/leadership)
(2) Ephesians 6:12
Susan
is married to Mark, and has two adult children. She enjoys teaching Bible
studies, writing, and tutoring with the Literacy Council. She is a member of
the Peace Team at Oakwood and also co-leads a Wednesday Night Community small
group.
