The “C” Words
By Susan Klein
“In this world, you will have trouble.”
John 16:33a (NIV)
Conflict. Nobody enjoys it. In fact, most of us try to avoid it at all
costs. The same applies to confrontation. How many of us, when
confronted with a conflict, relish the thought of having a confrontation?
However, as Jesus states in the verse above, in this world - - it’s inevitable.
Just about every book in the Bible contains one conflict or another. Abraham
had conflict with Lot, Moses had conflict with the Israelites, the disciples
had conflict with each other…Let’s face it, we aren’t all created alike. We all
have personality differences that can potentially lead to conflict. So what’s a
girl to do when she’s faced with conflict?
Besides the obvious, “pray,” I
believe there are a few more tools we can hook to our belts to use when dealing
with a conflict. I like to call them the “3 G’s”: Glorify God, Gift
others, and Grow to be more like Jesus.
When a conflict with another person
presents itself, the first thing to do is to not flee
from it, but to check our own actions, to see if we are at fault in any way.
This brings glory to God. Then, Scriptures tells us (in Matthew 18) that we are
to confront the other person, using words and actions filled with
grace and love, which also brings our Father glory. Gifting others can be
accomplished by overlooking minor offenses, speaking the truth in love when
needed, or coming alongside a non-believing offender to show them what Christ
did to forgive us. And in every conflict that our God allows, His desire is to
conform us to the image of His Son, to grow us into the godly women that He has
designed for us to be.
Author John Maxwell says we are to
be like “velvet –covered bricks, not people pleasers or bulldozers, strong on
the inside but soft on the outside.” He says, “Velvet-covered bricks are not
afraid to deal with conflict in order to iron out an unhealthy situation…they
are peacemakers as opposed to peacekeepers…remaining open to the perspective of
others.” (1)
The rest of the above verse states,
“But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Christ’s victory of overcoming the
world and all its evil is also our joyful triumph to claim. Remembering that
our real conflict is not with flesh and blood, but
with the powers of this dark world (2), we can have joy in our conflicts knowing He has endured all
things before us, and has given us the victory!
GOING DEEPER:
1. What proactive steps can you take to become “strong on the
inside, but soft on the outside” when dealing with conflict?
FURTHER READING:
Susan is married
to Mark, and has two adult children. She enjoys teaching Bible studies,
writing, and tutoring with the Literacy Council. She is a member of the Peace
Team at Oakwood and also co-leads an on-site small group.
(1) Maxwell, “Velvet-Covered
Bricks,” (www.injoy.com/newsletters/leadership)
(2) Ephesians 6:12
