Suffering
By Peggy Kleckner
“For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe
in Him, but also to suffer for Him.”
Philippians 1:29
(NIV)
And so, light pierced my darkness.
One sentence of Scripture placed seemingly random in my day and I felt His
hand.
I had been prattling on to Him about
feeling disconnected and yet knowing that I am not. I am unworthy of His love and yet cannot deny
that He loves me, just because He chooses to. I cannot decide for Him whom He
should love, even when that someone is me.
I felt like I wasn’t “doing”
anything for Him. I haven’t been doing mighty deeds of ministry. I haven’t been
seeking the lost, keeping an orderly house and checkbook, taking on giants or
whatever else I think of as “doing” for Him. He reminded me that being with Him
has been important. I have stepped away
from most things, but not my practice of meeting with Him.
I have struggled in my belief as
wave after wave of personal disappointments and heartaches bombarded my faith.
I have wrestled with the daily-ness of life, feeling like Solomon in
Ecclesiastes, life drained of joy…work and even words feeling meaningless. But
still I walked with Him, I spoke to Him of my heartaches. I argued with Him
over how things looked to me. He patiently listened and still we walked. I
fussed and fumed, exhausting myself as a child in a tantrum. I was seeking to
understand Him, to know His ways, to climb higher to get a better view of Him.
In all of my striving, I finally was
exhausted and so we rested. When I looked up, I saw that we were resting at the
foot of the cross. My argument had been, truly, that I didn’t want it to be
true that Jesus not only had to come, but that all of His suffering and all of
His pain was necessary for me. God did not allow one moment more of pain than
was necessary. My mother’s heart does not like to look at or accept that
painful truth. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot be good, even with His help.
Scripture is true…on our own, nothing
good lives in us. Our sinful nature must be put to death and we must take up
our new life in Him. Always, He leads into truth….more of Himself.
Blessed are those who hunger and
thirst after righteousness, for they will be satisfied. We hunger and thirst
for Jesus, our true and only satisfaction. Our salvation rests in Him, not in
ourselves.
GOING
DEEPER:
1.
What deep questions are you not allowing to come to the surface?
2. Are you willing to allow Him access to all of
the rooms of your heart?
FURTHER
READING:
