“Tactical Insincerity?!!”
By Susan Klein
“Love must be sincere.”
Romans 12:9a (NIV)
Thanksgiving. To
some it invokes thoughts of festive tables laden with bountiful delicacies and much
merry-making. To others, it conjures up ideas of family strife and lumpy mashed
potatoes. For most, it probably falls somewhere in the middle. In any case, thankfulness
is usually the modus operandi.
A couple of years
ago I was browsing through my latest issue of Food and Wine for some tasty
new recipes to add to that year’s Thanksgiving menu. An article midway through the
magazine caught my eye. The author shared that for years, his grandfather
lovingly prepared the feast and everyone complimented him on his wonderful
food, especially the oyster stuffing. Unbeknownst to Grandpa, they really
didn’t like the stuffing, but didn’t want to make him feel bad. In the author’s
words, “That’s what Thanksgiving is all about: tactical insincerity in the
service of domestic harmony.” (1) Then, one year, he switched to an entirely different recipe.
The new stuffing was SO much better and everyone raved about it. Their
insincere praise of the old recipe for many years actually kept Grandpa making
it. Now, sensing the truth of the matter, Grandpa teasingly proposed going back
to the old tried and trusted recipe in future years.
How often might we
implement this practice of “tactical insincerity” without realizing it? Could
we possibly be replacing true “kindness” with “flattery”? While we all make
efforts to show appreciation, are we keeping it sincere?
Speaking the truth
in a loving way takes some thoughtful consideration. In our efforts to express
gratefulness, we need to exercise care so it doesn’t sound like hollow
flattery. As the grandpa in the article illustrated, the recipient can usually
detect the sincerity (or insincerity) of our compliment. If the turkey is dry
and over-done, the cook is generally the first to notice. No need to compliment
how fabulous it turned out. If Uncle Fred is in a sour mood, it may not be the
time to point out his sunny disposition. Why not rather show thankfulness for
their time and effort in being willing to host or contribute to the gathering? Or,
maybe share something that lets the person know you value who they are more
than what they do.
This Thanksgiving,
let’s forego the “tactical insincerity” and be the bearers of genuine kindness,
using our words and actions to foster true harmony while blessing those around
us. Be sure to throw in a little merry-making!
GOING
DEEPER:
1. How might “tactical insincerity”
be creeping into your speech?
2. What
can you do to let others know you are grateful for them?
FURTHER
READING:
Susan
is married to Mark, and co-leads an in-home small group. She serves as a mentor
to young women, and is a member of Oakwood’s Peace Team, helping people work
through conflict.
(1) “Is Thanksgiving the Only Critic-Proof Meal?” Food and Wine, November 2016
