The Benefit of the Doubt
By Susan Klein
“Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.”
Matthew 5:7 (NIV)
Visiting a friend with
small children, I noticed the two-year-old starting to act up while her mother
and I talked. First, she refused to do something her mother asked, then she
threw her toys, which was followed by flinging herself on the floor in what
appeared to be a display of defiance. Not knowing this little one very well, I
assumed she was either upset that I had her mother’s attention, or she was just
choosing to be naughty. I was wrong.
Her father entered the
room, assessed the situation and then asked his wife if she thought the girl
was hungry. Her mother replied affirmatively and asked her husband to please
bring her some food.
Really? Hungry? This hardly seemed
plausible to me.
The father brought
her a favored snack and set it next to her. “Watch,” he said, sitting next to
me. At first, the toddler pushed it away angrily.
Guess he was wrong! I surmised.
Sensing my
skepticism, her father just sat and smiled. Then he spoke, “Just wait...” After
a few more pushes, the girl relented, picked up the food and began eating. In a
brief amount of time, her cherubic demeanor returned.
Her parents knew her
well. They gave her the benefit of the doubt that her behavior was linked to a
need she was experiencing - - not merely defiance. Just like children, adults
need food, sleep and a sense of security. If our blood sugar gets low or we are
running on little sleep, we may act out inappropriately as well. The same
applies if we are feeling threatened or insecure.
This is not to
excuse sinful behavior - - when it is truly sin. But this situation showed me a
very valuable lesson. When we don’t know someone well, it’s easy to
misinterpret certain behaviors. Rather than giving the benefit of the doubt, we
might wrongly judge or assume things that might not be true. Our wrong response
could actually exacerbate the problem. If those parents had sent their daughter
to her room for a time out, her hunger would likely have increased with time
and so might her wrong behavior.
God’s Word frequently
demonstrates this merciful act. Jesus admonishes us to turn the other cheek. [1] James reminds us
that mercy triumphs over judgment. [2] The Apostle Paul exhorts us to bear with one
another. [3] And really, if you think about it, what harm could possibly
come from lovingly extending the benefit of the doubt to someone?
GOING DEEPER:
1. How might you demonstrate mercy
rather than misinterpretation?
FURTHER
READING:
[1] Matthew 5:38-40; [2] James 2:12-13; [3] Colossians 3:13
Susan is married to Mark, and
co-leads an in-home small group. She serves as a mentor to young women, and is
a member of Oakwood’s Peace Team, helping people work through conflict.
