The Ultimate 3-Legged Race
By Carolyn Hulliberger
“Haven’t you read?” he [Jesus] replied… “For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore
what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 (NIV)
Four years years ago, my husband and I celebrated our
20th wedding anniversary. As I anticipated the day, I realized it would be
7,306 days! There are a lot of words that I could use to describe our
journey together, but one of my favorite analogies is that marriage is the
ultimate 3-legged race.
The race is voluntary. We don’t get to choose many factors in
our lives, like our parents or birthplace. We do, however, get to choose our
partner in this race.
The race takes cooperation. If you don’t lock step with each
other, failure is all but guaranteed. The more binds around your legs, the easier
it is to keep in step. Think of each life experience shared as a strand of
rope. The more stories that are common to both of you, the more strands of rope
are binding you to each other. Laughter, tears, triumph, hardship…they all
count.
To run the race well, both partners must face the same
direction. From finances to parenting to in-laws to where you will live, being
on the same page and intentional about communication will keep you pointed
ahead.
Unforgiveness is equal to sitting down on the field. Every
marriage has its “stuff.” As the saying goes, I am a selfish sinner, and I
married one, too. Then we produced children with the same problem. When we
don’t take the time to deal with the “stuff,” our legs will strain against the
bonds. The ropes that serve as the ties that bind us together instead turn into
shackles.
There will be times during the race when one partner has to
bolster the other with his or her arms. This may entail practically carrying
our partners ahead as their own strength has waned. The vows say “for worse,”
“for poorer,” “in sickness” for a reason.
After racing together a long time, the reward is that you may
nearly forget that the three legs used to be Four. The muscle memory will
change; the movement becomes more second nature. And those bindings on the legs
only work to seal the commitment to one another.
GOING DEEPER:
1. Plan an outing with your spouse, focusing just on each other.
Even a conversation over burgers will do.
2. Play a game with conversation starters like “Favorite moment
while we were dating,” or “Best holiday celebration together,” or “The time you
were my strength.” You may be surprised by the answers when you share with each
other.
FURTHER READING:
Carolyn acquired her
racing partner in April 1993, complete with big hair and poofy dress sleeves
(on her). They look forward to matching their parents’ 40+ and 50+, and
grandparents’ 60+ years of marriage.
