Refusing to Confront
By Lexi Cole Ellis
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
By Lexi Cole Ellis
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
I recently watched a documentary on Hitler’s inner circle
- - where blind loyalty was valued. In 1945, the end of the war was fast-approaching;
Hitler’s defeat was inevitable. Now, when he needed reality most, Hitler’s
remaining advisors refused to confront him. Instead, they encouraged Hitler’s
disillusions that victory was still possible.
I was struck by what multiple historians said. The inner circle refused to confront the man they claimed to love. It made me wonder, maybe “refusing to confront” is not exclusive to evil masterminds?
We often claim we want peace. But how often do we use that as an excuse to avoid lovingly and appropriately confronting someone? How often do we ignore the messy work that is necessary for reconciliation because we’d rather not deal with it…often with the very people we claim to love?
Scripture is clear in guiding believers in how to address conflict with those we love. In the Old Testament Law, the Israelites had an extensive judicial system to address conflicts. In the New Testament, Matthew 18 is often the “conflict passage.” Jesus’ words ring true; we are to confront conflict in love and humility, rather than running away or allowing bitterness to build. Apostles, similarly, countlessly implore the early churches to confront conflict and forgive.
And beyond that, God often uses our obedience to rightly confront conflict as a growing and sanctifying opportunity. In Colossians and Ephesians, Paul reminds believers to forgive because of the incredible forgiveness we’ve experienced from God. [1] As I look back on my own life, I see how much I’ve learned through seasons of conflict… despite how uncomfortable it may have been. Ken Sande echoes this in his peacemaking book, “Conflict is one of the many tools that God will use to help you develop a more Christ-like character.” [2]
Of course, there are multiple, notable differences between Hitler’s inner circle and believers. But in the realm of confronting conflict, may there be no similarities. Instead, may we forego the temptation of blind loyalty to those closest to us, recognizing that confronting conflict in godly ways allows reconciliation and forgiveness to occur.
I was struck by what multiple historians said. The inner circle refused to confront the man they claimed to love. It made me wonder, maybe “refusing to confront” is not exclusive to evil masterminds?
We often claim we want peace. But how often do we use that as an excuse to avoid lovingly and appropriately confronting someone? How often do we ignore the messy work that is necessary for reconciliation because we’d rather not deal with it…often with the very people we claim to love?
Scripture is clear in guiding believers in how to address conflict with those we love. In the Old Testament Law, the Israelites had an extensive judicial system to address conflicts. In the New Testament, Matthew 18 is often the “conflict passage.” Jesus’ words ring true; we are to confront conflict in love and humility, rather than running away or allowing bitterness to build. Apostles, similarly, countlessly implore the early churches to confront conflict and forgive.
And beyond that, God often uses our obedience to rightly confront conflict as a growing and sanctifying opportunity. In Colossians and Ephesians, Paul reminds believers to forgive because of the incredible forgiveness we’ve experienced from God. [1] As I look back on my own life, I see how much I’ve learned through seasons of conflict… despite how uncomfortable it may have been. Ken Sande echoes this in his peacemaking book, “Conflict is one of the many tools that God will use to help you develop a more Christ-like character.” [2]
Of course, there are multiple, notable differences between Hitler’s inner circle and believers. But in the realm of confronting conflict, may there be no similarities. Instead, may we forego the temptation of blind loyalty to those closest to us, recognizing that confronting conflict in godly ways allows reconciliation and forgiveness to occur.
GOING
DEEPER:
1. Take time to reflect on and pray about how you
confront conflict.
2. Need a quick refresh on
how to biblically handle conflict? Start with reading Chris Adam’s article “9 Ways to
Handle Conflict Biblically” or learn more about Oakwood’s Peace Team.
FURTHER READING:
Lexi and
Andrew have a dog named Calvin and a baby coming in June. Lexi teaches 6th
grade Reading and Writing, serves with Children’s Ministries and is the Fresh
Start Coordinator.
[1] Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32
[1] Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32
[2] Sande, Ken. Peacemaking
for Families, (Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family Publishing, 2002)
