The Ultimate 3-Legged Race
By
Carolyn Hulliberger
“Haven’t
you read?” he [Jesus] replied… “For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So
they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined
together, let no one separate.”
Matthew
19:4-6 (NIV)
Two years ago, my
husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. As I anticipated
the day, I realized it would be 7,306 days! There are a lot of words that
I could use to describe our journey together, but one of my favorite analogies
is that marriage is the ultimate 3-legged race.
The race is voluntary.
We don’t get to choose many factors in our lives, like our parents or
birthplace. We do, however, get to choose our partner in this race.
The race takes
cooperation. If you don’t lock step with each other, failure is all but
guaranteed. The more binds around your legs, the easier it is to keep in step.
Think of each life experience shared as a strand of rope. The more stories that
are common to both of you, the more strands of rope are binding you to each
other. Laughter, tears, triumph, hardship…they all count.
To run the race well,
both partners must face the same direction. From finances to parenting to
in-laws to where you will live, being on the same page and intentional about
communication will keep you pointed ahead.
Unforgiveness is equal
to sitting down on the field. Every marriage has its “stuff.” As the saying
goes, I am a selfish sinner, and I married one, too. Then we produced children
with the same problem. When we don’t take the time to deal with the “stuff,”
our legs will strain against the bonds. The ropes that serve as the ties that
bind us together instead turn into shackles.
There will be times
during the race when one partner has to bolster the other with his or her arms.
This may entail practically carrying our partners ahead as their own strength
has waned. The vows say “for worse,” “for poorer,” “in sickness” for a
reason.
After racing together a
long time, the reward is that you may nearly forget that the three legs used to
be Four. The muscle memory will change; the movement becomes more second nature.
And those bindings on the legs only work to seal the commitment to one another.
GOING DEEPER:
1. Plan an outing with
your spouse, focusing just on each other. Even a conversation over burgers will
do.
2. Play a game with
conversation starters like “Favorite moment while we were dating,” or “Best
holiday celebration together,” or “The time you were my strength.” You may be
surprised by the answers when you share with each other.
FURTHER READING:
Carolyn
acquired her racing partner in April 1993, complete with big hair and poofy
dress sleeves (on her). They look forward to matching their parents’ 40+
and 50+, and grandparents’ 60+ years of marriage.