The Idol of Perfectionism
By Carolyn Hulliberger
“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth,
Visible and invisible,
Whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;
All things have been created through him and for him.
He is before ALL things, and in him ALL things hold together”
Colossians 1:16 (NIV, emphasis added)
I recall clearly when my issue with
perfectionism started. A competitive classmate, jealous that I received a
better grade on a test in junior high, started the nickname “Little Miss
Perfect” for me. From then on, I had to best her. But it didn’t stop with her.
A battle was born inside me to craft perfection and eliminate weakness for myself
and those around me. This battle took me years to recognize and even still
fight today. What I’ve come to understand is that perfectionism has a voice,
and it subtly says:
My ideals are more important than
anyone else’s needs.
I deserve better or more than what I
have now.
If something isn’t perfect, then
it’s worthless.
In actuality, my quest for
flawlessness in myself and others was equal parts a thirst for control, and a
fear of being out of control. I found myself a slave to the unending pursuit of
continuous improvement, and a victim of my own idolatry. Perfectionism made me
tired and resulted in unhealthy behavior and relationships. I was a really,
really crummy friend.
It was during a study of Galatians
chapter 5 that God started dealing with my battle. It became clear to me that a
person pursuing the fruit of the Holy Spirit - - love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control - - cannot also
be violently critical of herself and those around her at the same time. A woman
who believes today’s verse that God is before her and holds all things
together, cannot also believe that she is the one in charge of keeping all
things in her small world together. A woman who is passionate about loving God
and loving others cannot do that if she is trying to fix everyone.
Armed with a new understanding, I
surrendered to the work of changing my thinking. I am, along with everyone
else, a work in progress… imperfect. And
that’s okay. But I take heart in Paul’s words:
“Being confident of this, that He
who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians
1:6).
GOING
DEEPER:
1.
What do you battle that keeps you from pursuing the fruit of the Holy Spirit?
FURTHER
READING:
Along with caring for her family,
Carolyn works as an insurance representative, and serves in Oakwood Church’s
Student Ministry.
