Suffering
By Peggy Kleckner
“For it has been
granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to
suffer for Him.”
Philippians
1:29 (NIV)
And
so, light pierced my darkness. One sentence of Scripture placed seemingly
random in my day and I felt His hand.
I
had been prattling on to Him about feeling disconnected and yet knowing that I
am not. I am unworthy of His love and
yet cannot deny that He loves me, just because He chooses to. I cannot decide
for Him whom He should love, even when that someone is me.
I
felt like I wasn’t “doing” anything for Him. I haven’t been doing mighty deeds
of ministry. I haven’t been seeking the lost, keeping an orderly house and
checkbook, taking on giants or whatever else I think of as “doing” for Him. He
reminded me that being with Him has been important. I have stepped away from most things, but not
my practice of meeting with Him.
I
have struggled in my belief as wave after wave of personal disappointments and
heartaches bombarded my faith. I have wrestled with the daily-ness of life,
feeling like Solomon in Ecclesiastes, life drained of joy…work and even words
feeling meaningless. But still I walked with Him, I spoke to Him of my
heartaches. I argued with Him over how things looked to me. He patiently
listened and still we walked. I fussed and fumed, exhausting myself as a child
in a tantrum. I was seeking to understand Him, to know His ways, to climb higher
to get a better view of Him.
In
all of my striving, I finally was exhausted and so we rested. When I looked up,
I saw that we were resting at the foot of the cross. My argument had been,
truly, that I didn’t want it to be true that Jesus not only had to come, but
that all of His suffering and all of His pain was necessary for me. God did not
allow one moment more of pain than was necessary. My mother’s heart does not
like to look at or accept that painful truth. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot
be good, even with His help.
Scripture
is true…on our own, nothing good lives in us. Our sinful nature must be put to
death and we must take up our new life in Him. Always, He leads into
truth….more of Himself.
Blessed
are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be
satisfied. We hunger and thirst for Jesus, our true and only satisfaction. Our
salvation rests in Him, not in ourselves.
GOING
DEEPER:
1. What deep questions are you not allowing to
come to the surface?
2. Are you willing to allow Him access to all of
the rooms of your heart?
FURTHER
READING:
Acts
17:28; John 15:5; Psalm 73:25-26
Peggy is a wife and mother of four adult children - - two sons and two stepsons, and is an active encourager at Oakwood Church in Delafield.
Peggy is a wife and mother of four adult children - - two sons and two stepsons, and is an active encourager at Oakwood Church in Delafield.
