The Ultimate
3-Legged Race
By Carolyn
Hulliberger
“Haven’t you read,”
(Jesus) replied…For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be
united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
no one separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6
My
husband and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in a few
weeks. That is 7,306 days! There are a
lot of words that I could use to describe our journey together, but one of my
favorite analogies is that marriage is the ultimate 3-legged race.
The
race is voluntary. We don’t get to choose many factors in our lives, like our
parents or birthplace. We do, however, get to choose our partner in this race.
The
race takes cooperation. If you don’t lock step with each other, failure is all
but guaranteed. The more binds around your legs, the easier it is to keep in
step. Think of each life experience shared as a strand of rope. The more
stories that are common to both of you, the more strands of rope are binding
you to each other. Laughter, tears, triumph, hardship…they all count.
To
run the race well, both partners must face the same direction. From finances to
parenting to in-laws to where you will live, being on the same page and
intentional about communication will keep you pointed ahead.
Unforgiveness
is equal to sitting down on the field. Every marriage has its “stuff.” As the
saying goes, I am a selfish sinner, and I married one, too. Then we produced
children with the same problem. When we don’t take the time to deal with the
“stuff,” our legs will strain against the bonds. The ropes that serve as the
ties that bind us together instead turn into shackles.
There
will be times during the race when one partner has to bolster the other with
his or her arms. This may entail practically carrying our partners ahead as
their own strength has waned. The vows say “for worse,” “for poorer,” “in
sickness” for a reason.
After
racing together a long time, the reward is that you may nearly forget that the
three legs used to be Four. The muscle memory will change; the movement becomes
more second nature. And those bindings on the legs only work to seal the
commitment to one another.
GOING DEEPER:
1.
Plan an outing with your spouse, focusing just on each other. Even a
conversation over burgers will do.
2.
Play a game with conversation starters like “Favorite moment while we were
dating,” or “Best holiday celebration together,” or “The time you were my
strength.” You may be surprised by the answers when you share with each other.
FURTHER READING:
Carolyn
acquired her racing partner in April 1993, complete with big hair and poofy
dress sleeves (on her). They look
forward to matching their parents’ 40+ and 50+, and grandparents’ 60+ years of
marriage.
