“Tactical Insincerity?!!”
By Susan Klein
“Love must be sincere.”
Romans 12:9a (NIV)
Thanksgiving. To
some it invokes thoughts of festive tables laden with bountiful delicacies and much
merry-making. To others, it conjures up ideas of family strife and lumpy mashed
potatoes. For most, it probably falls somewhere in the middle. In any case, thankfulness
is usually the modus operandi.
I recently started browsing through my latest
issue of Food and Wine for some tasty new recipes to add to this
year’s Thanksgiving menu. An article midway through the magazine caught my eye.
The author shared that for years, his grandfather lovingly prepared the feast
and everyone complimented him on his wonderful food, especially the oyster
stuffing. Unbeknownst to Grandpa, they really didn’t like the stuffing, but
didn’t want to make him feel bad. In the author’s words, “That’s what
Thanksgiving is all about: tactical insincerity in the service of domestic
harmony.” (1) Then, one year, he switched to an entirely
different recipe. The new stuffing was SO much better and everyone raved about
it. Their insincere praise of the old recipe for many years actually kept
Grandpa making it. Now, sensing the truth of the matter, Grandpa teasingly
proposed going back to the old tried and trusted recipe in future years.
How often might we
implement this practice of “tactical insincerity” without realizing it? Could
we possibly be replacing true “kindness” with “flattery”? While we all make
efforts to show appreciation, are we keeping it sincere?
Speaking the truth
in a loving way takes some thoughtful consideration. In our efforts to express
gratefulness, we need to exercise care so it doesn’t sound like hollow
flattery. As the grandpa in the article illustrated, the recipient can usually
detect the sincerity (or insincerity) of our compliment. If the turkey is dry
and over-done, the cook is generally the first to notice. No need to compliment
how fabulous it turned out. If Uncle Fred is in a sour mood, it may not be the
time to point out his sunny disposition. Why not rather show thankfulness for
their time and effort in being willing to host or contribute to the gathering? Or,
maybe share something that lets the person know you value who they are more
than what they do.
This Thanksgiving,
let’s forego the “tactical insincerity” and be the bearers of genuine kindness,
using our words and actions to foster true harmony while blessing those around
us. Be sure to throw in a little merry-making!
GOING
DEEPER:
1. How might “tactical insincerity”
be creeping into your speech?
2. What
can you do to let others know you are grateful for them?
FURTHER
READING:
Susan is married to Mark, and
has two adult children. She enjoys teaching Bible studies, writing, and
tutoring with the Literacy Council. She is a member of the Peace Team at
Oakwood and also co-leads a small group.
(1) “Is Thanksgiving the Only Critic-Proof Meal?” Food and Wine, November 2016
